I look out my kitchen window and even through the cloudy, rainy weather everything seems brighter and more beautiful than ever. I watch our cats, Jasper and Chocolate, hover near the back door, wanting warm shelter and more food and I laugh at how funny they are instead of feeling agitated. The distant sound of the train traveling through Gurley is comforting where before, it would make me feel a bit sad and melancholy. I'm excited to do the laundry and to catch up on some emails and planning that I've put off for several days. My heart and mind feel as light as a feather and I want to do everything at once. My interest in getting our home ready for my baby brother and his family who will visit for Thanksgiving comes back full force and I make plans to get the upstairs' bedrooms prepared and decorate the porch with pumpkins and mums. I crave birthday cake and a spicy chicken buffalo griller from Taco Bell~
You see, Monday afternoon the doctor told me I would need a breast biopsy. What she saw on my film was something that couldn't be diagnosed without further investigation...hence, the biopsy. There was a 90% chance that it was all good and she said if she were a betting person, she'd lay down money that it was nothing. But, women, albeit a minority, with similar breast pictures had gotten a scary report. Something that begins with a "c". So, I had to pay attention to that 10% chance and be prepared...just in case.
I pretty much held my breath until today at 12:45. But, let me back up for a minute. Yesterday morning at 9:00, I was taken into a room and was asked to remove my top. I was given a warm blanket and was told to lay on my stomach. My right arm was to be down by my side, my left arm was bent in a comfortable position, my head was turned to the left on some semblance of a pillow and the weirdest thing of all was that my right breast was dropped through an opening in the table. I was instructed to get still and remain still for the entire procedure.
The table made noise as it elevated enough for the doctor to sit under it and after several pictures were taken (I forgot to tell them that my breast doesn't know how to pose!), the pain began. It wasn't terrible and I was warned each time by a 1...2...3...stick! This happened about 5 to 6 times. It was definitely not a party and you'd have to pay me A LOT of cold, hard cash before I'd volunteer to do it again. After the "b" was sufficiently numbed, other "instruments"? were stuck, pricked, pushed and prodded inside the "b" only to pull the suspicious tissue out. Why they would not hide these tissue-filled samples from me is baffling...the nurse actually dropped them into a jar full of some sort of liquid, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!. Folks, that's why I'm not in the medical field...I don't vomit easily, but I'm a dry heave waiting to happen.
Finally, as I was just about on my last leg (not really, but it's an expression that means you don't think you can take anymore), I was massaged, squeezed, pressurized, sterilized, bandaged and wrapped like a sausage burrito before I was told that I could go home. After the at-home instructions from my wonderful doctor, which included fun words like ...bruising, profuse bleeding, pain, soreness, infection, fever, etc., I was allowed to leave. "Hey, don't forget that you can't use your arms for 24 hours!" WHAT?? Sorry, but I have to lift my hash browns and diet Coke up to my mouth on the way home. Eric ain't gonna do it for me...besides, he's driving! And, there are other necessary activities I'll need my arms for today, people...you medical people.
So...now we're back to today. I get dressed, begrudgingly, and Eric comes home early from work bearing gold (fried chicken and biscuits), frankincense (potatoes and gravy) and myrrh (slaw). I surprise myself by eating a small helping of everything and 10 minutes later my phone rings.
I saw that the number was from my doctor and it took every bit of my will to answer. But, I had to answer...I had to...there was no way out...I needed to know. I said "hello" and heard the sweetest words coming from a sweet doctor that said she had great news!! NO CANCER!! I don't think I need to explain my first paragraph, except to say that when you are worried about your future, the present looks different and your world seems to stop for a few days. Then, in one short moment, your world is back on it's axis and you just love everyone and everything.
If I could bottle this clarity, this new way of seeing things and could sell it, I'd make a fortune. No, really...I would give it away and maybe we'd all stop taking our lives for granted. Next time someone hears me complain about anything or sees me with a "life's rough, I'm so pitiful" attitude, I hope they SLAP.ME.SILLY...SERIOUSLY~